Menstruation Leaves

Well, the burning topic of 2017. Menstruation Leaves aka Giving holidays to women on period.

I know everyone supports it and those you don’t are met with ‘fire and fury’, still, I would pour down my views because “My Blog, My views”.

I do not support Menstruation Leaves. Period (Full stop). Before you could bombard me with angry eyes, I say, I am a woman and I have literally had the worst periods.

I started on this ‘bloody’ journey when I was 11. I had no fuckin clue about it. Well, yes, No clue. I remember crying all day. My mother comforted me. I remember, asking her if I could miss the school next day. After all, periods can be embarrassing for a girl who did not have a clue about how to manage them. But my mother said a “NO”. A plain, bland “NO”. I was sad. She explained “Everyone has them. A leave will scare you for life, thinking that you cannot carry on with life when you have them”.

Well, with blood staining your clothes the ride was not really joyful. I remember having to stand up every half an hour wishing teachers a ‘Good Morning’. I remember my destiny that my 2nd day (when you are drenched in blood) would coincide with the day I had PT. I remember running 2 rounds of a very big ground so many times on my 2nd day. I bled the worst. The worst. But couldn’t even take the medicines, because of hormonal issues.

Now, cramps. Yes, those cramps where you could not stand. I remember having physics labs (where needed to stand for 2 hours straight) , right on the first day. It was painful. But after some time, I knew how to carry on with my work while uterus was killing me. Again, I could not take any painkiller or whatsoever. But, life goes on.

Now, every girl reading this, would relate perfectly. We have tolerated school, PT, attended weddings during Periods (Atleast I have), played Basketball in school in a match even if we were menstruating etc.

When we start a job in the firm, approximately we have gone through periods for 10 years. Simple mathematics: 120 cycles. Now, I know periods are worse every time. We can barely stand. Even I can’t. But we know how to carry on. In fact, we’ve been taught to carry on with our normal day to day life while on periods.

Then why the leave? We can take a personal leave once a month if we can’t even stand up that day. But it is not required every month, right! In fact some people do not even have that kind of pains (I have, so I am speaking about those who have worse kind of pain).

We surely are in a “Feminist era”. Though I have some contrasting views, but that’s for another day. Well, dear Feminist, if men had demanded a leave for their ‘Bodily functions’, I’m sure you would have protested. Nah nah, don’t deny. I know the hypocrisy in this country.

All I want to say is, we’ve been experiencing how to work without leaves while on periods. And, we can surely take a day off, if it is worse. But, we don’t require a ‘Leave’ that day. The cramps and all can drive us crazy, but please, accept the fact that, it ranges every time. Some months they are okay, some months they are worse. Why generalise and create a hype?

Menstruation Leaves

Need- No.

Want- Absolutely Yes.

— Written By

A girl who has had worst periods (with cramps) in the past and present too.

Changed

From loving to void

From caring much to “I don’t care”

From being obsessed to being lost

From crying when sad to “I don’t give a fuck”

From stiffling sobs to struggling with temper

From expecting much to not imagining anything

From expressing myself to creating a shell around me

From being confident to being scared

From being sad to being angry

From sharing my feelings to stuffing them inside

From being outspoken to being quiet

From chirping to not knowing what to say

From writing for everyone to writing for me

From being too selfless to being selfish

From seeing everyone else is happy to just confirming my smile

From talking to everyone to talking to myself

From dreaming about future to being scared of it

I changed

Due to circumstances

Due to being hurt a few times

Due to being helpless

Miss my old me to embracing the new me

The twisting journey with unforseen end

Was it for better?

Or for worse?

Stillborn Sister

Dear Stillborn Sister,

I love you.

Well, Would have loved you. Had you been alive.

I remember, how I told all my friends that you were going to come. 

I remember, how I felt bad when my mom had morning sickness and hoped you’d come soon.

But you, never.

I hadn’t seen you, but as I can remember, I wasn’t so excited about you coming. Don’t know why.

Maybe my sixth sense already told me, you weren’t going to.

Then, one eventful day, my parents told me, you were born dead.

Why, did you leave me, even after my mom felt so much pain?

We deserved you.

I do not miss you. Seriously, I do not.

Because, I’ve never seen you. I do not know how it is like to know you.

But, that day, I felt bad for my parents. I did not know what to say to my school friends who kept asking me whether I had a brother or a sister.

Days passed. Didn’t bother much.

But now it does.

When I see people around me making cards for siblings. I waited for them, I didn’t get them.

When I see siblings share their life with each other. I cannot.

When I see facebook status with siblings captioned ‘Best friend’, I wish I had you.

Not that, I want you now.

Wish, I had you then.

I do not like festivals like raksha bandhan. I would have celebrated it even with you, resolving to protect you.

But what do I do, looking at the facebook wall posts now?

Miss your presence?

Feel your absence?

Or, the easiest, just ignore.

One wise life, once said “You do not know how siblings are”

Truly. I do not know. People look at me through judging eyes, when, mistakenly I say something about their siblings.

But, I don’t know how it is to love a sibling. I do not. 

Judge me if you want. 

Yes, I am envious of people when they show off their love for their siblings on social media.

They are just showcasing their love. For me, that is show off.

Because I do not want to feel deprived of something so..

Atleast, they have someone to share their life with. I’m so so envious.

I can take care of my parents, very well. But, what if something happens to me?

Wish someone like you could.

But maybe, you’re born to someone else.

As someone else’s sister.

May they love you.

Twisted Toughs Of A Tale

A whirlwind of whims,

A desire of distraught,

A confusion of consequences,

A preference of priorities.

A tale of two towns,

A mingle of miles,

A shortage of seconds,

A future so frail.

Efficiency of efforts,

Insecurity that is insane,

Taken for granted,

Results are ablaze.

Permanent is perception,

Temporary be reality,

Tale of two towns,

Whirlwind of whims.

Increased Taxes on Sanitary Napkins

Stayfree isn’t so ‘Free’ anymore. It needs to be renamed Stay’Costly’.

The ‘Sanitary Napkins’ are an integral (but not so integral in rural areas) part of a woman’s life. Menstruations may still be a taboo in India, Pads may still be wrapped and sold, still you can not deny the fact that they are essential for our hygiene. Giving birth is celebrated, but the menstrual process? Forget celebrations, we are demanding hygiene.

In the first line I wrote, “not so integral in rural areas”, because with the ever increasing rise in the prices, people cannot afford it. Women are forced to use, cloth, hay, mud, leaves and other things to absorb the blood flow.

Simple!

Not so simple. Imagine soaking in warm blood atleast 5 days a week in a month and having hay, leaves or such things at your private area. Okay, let’s get above it. Imagine paying such a hefty amount of money to buy something hygienic that you cannot skip and desperately need!

Condoms and other contraceptives are tax free in India. But the recently released GST increased Taxes on something so simple as Sanitary napkins. Why? Bleeding is a sin in India? Already menstruation related taboos are not ready to leave our Indian minds, and on addition to that, one more restriction. Restriction on buying Napkins. Obviously, with such an increase in amounts, people won’t be able to afford a good quality one. Are we even denied of basic hygiene and care of our body?

Sindoor- A symbol of a ‘Male counterpart in a married life’ on woman’s forehead. Taxes were abolished on it. ‘Survival necessity’, I think. So Sindoor is an important and survival necessity (for the safety of husbands all over the world) and should have low prices. But the process by which a woman’s body is made ready for giving birth, is not so necessary, perhaps. Men- 1 Women-0

Another example of  patriarchal society.

Get ready my ladies. You need to cut off your expenses, your clothing expenses or jewellery, or even mortgage your things, because our monthly used commodity is in ‘All Time High Price’ Mood.

Take care. And maybe, store your supplies for the future. Don’t know, it may even be sold in terms of Gold, the next year.

Game of Thrones and Flares

Disclaimer: I’ve combined the Song: The Script- Flares and the popular TV show Game of Thrones (Inspired from some videos). The Song is awesome and I suggest everyone to hear that. The Italic Fonts here are the lyrics of the song.

Did you lose what won’t return?

For everytime, when someone lost their loved one. For every tear Daenerys cried when she suffocated Drogo, for the moment Arya closed her eyes when she heard Ned Stark under the Sword, for the second 

Jon Snow looked at Ygritte when he lost her, they lost someone who won’t return. Ever.


Did you love but never learn?

For the unrequited love of Jorah towards Daenerys, for the love of Tyrion towards Shae that broke him, for the love Jon had for Ygritte, for the love that gave everyone a lesson, they feared learning. Lesson of Heartbreak, Trust and blood.


The fire’s out but still it burns
And no one cares, there’s no one there

For the time when everyone fought their battles alone, Arya alone in Bravos, Jaime imprisoned by Robb, Ned alone in the cells, Cersei in the hands of High Sparrow, Sansa and Theon under the torture of Ramsay Bolton, they’ve all been alone, at some point of their lives. Battling the darkness of their lives with the light and energy from inside.


Did you find it hard to breathe?
Did you cry so much that you could barely see?
You’re in the darkness all alone
And no one cares, there’s  no one there


 But did you see the flares in the sky?
Were you blinded by the light?
Did you feel the smoke in your eyes?
Did you, did you?
Did you see the sparks filled with hope?
You are not alone
‘Cause someone’s out there, sending out flares

The times when everyone got over whatever bad life had done upon them, the second when Arya exclaimed “And I am going home” , when Drogo and Dracarys saved Dany, when Dany fought with everyone, when Jon came back and executed the traitors, when Battle of Bastards was won, when Sansa fed Raat to his dogs, when Osha and Bran saw the light above, when all of them fought against all odds.

Because life, no matter  how hard it is, shines. Someone shines, the torch and the light to show you the way. That someone could be anyone or even your inner conscience that pushes you to move forward even when no one else is with you.

The times when the battle is fought alone because ‘Someones out there, sending out Flares’

The Game of Thrones, thus teaches us some valuable lessons.

 

 

 

 




 


 


 

Pre Marital Sex and Serials

While reading through some pages of a book, I was sitting with my mother. She was busy with a hindi TV serial.

I shifted my senses to the TV trying to guess what was going on in it.
The plot lines were as:

“Some girl got pregnant before marrying (one month due marriage) with the love of her life. What followed were endless taunts from her mother and would be mother in law about how characterless she was, about how bad her *sanskaar * were, about how she was a disgrace to her whole family, about how her parents were insulted that they were “her” parents. Adding to the fact that the guy tried to tell his mom how he was the partner in ‘Crime’ but his mom would not bulge and repeatedly say that the girl was ‘bitch’ ‘slut’ and ‘characterless’. ”

Now obviously the plot lines had many loopholes. Like how can the girl be called characterless, while the sperm was of the guy. And no matter what, it is their own decision. Why make such a big deal when they are going to get married anyway. And instead of trying to sort out the problem, everyone kept shouting on her. Does her respect lie in her vagina? Or is it gone with her virginity?

Leave that. These are some issues indian society can never get over with. What I hated was the fact that TV shows are promoting the bad reaction on such issues.
We see director and actors speaking about open mindedness, then how can they show us this shit?

80% of Indian women watch these shows. If the same thing happens with me or some other girl, for a fact, will they not get inspired with the same? Will they not think along the same lines like “My daughter brought me a bad name” and so on!

The kind of behavior the family had, on the TV, would drive anyone to commit suicide. Honestly. The girl was left all alone. Is that want you want to happen in someone’s real life?

If the mind hears such thing, it invariably gets those thoughts. High chances, an Indian mom would act this way when a daughter reveals she has had pre Marital Sex.

Indirectly you are stuffing them with these kinds of thoughts that could bring a havoc in someone’s life.

I am not commenting on Pre Marital sex. I’m asking Indian TV shows to stop promoting such a bad and negative response on someone’s pregnancy or virginity.

The opposite of that. Maybe if they had shown how calmly the serial family had handled this, 1% mom would have had a bit change of mind. Maybe 79% would not have bothered. But atleast you should not give fuel to the flame of such negative thoughts.

If you want to revolutionize their thoughts, kindly show something that worth. Not the shit, again and again.

Uh Oh! I forgot to tell you, dear readers that I was mumbling some of my *this era, “No respect in vagina” thoughts* and my mom gave me a cold stare, scolding me by saying ‘No one asked your thoughts’.

Alas!

Periods and Shhhhh…

The monthly Satan came for a visit. As usual, rounds and rounds of cramps, cries, tears and Blood. The uterus was angry, for preparing for a visitor which didn’t come (and would not, until a long time). But was it my mistake that my uterus was angry? Was it my mistake that I had a uterus? Was it my mistake that I was born to bear a life?

Then why was there so much *hush hush* around this issue! Let me elaborate it.

I went to a medical shop to buy sanitary napkins. The need of every woman out there. I asked the shopkeeper in a low voice (don’t blame me. I was young and was embarrassed) This Low Voice will give you a substantial idea of our psyche right from when we were young and embarrassed on the *Blood sheds*. As soon as the shopkeeper heard it, he went to a really upper (non visible) shelf, and brought out a packet. Now the packet was wrapped in a newspaper. Not only this, it was then packed in a Black Polythene. Why? I dare not ask. Maybe he was also embarrassed in providing me something so normal, hygienic and essential part of my life.

But, were you ever embarrassed in buying a Toilet cleaner or an undergarment or anything of that sort? No. 

Then why sanitary napkins? I recently heard that a movie on menstruation cycle called ‘Phullu’ was given ‘A’ certificate by the Glorious Censor Board. Now, Are 15 year olds oblivious to periods? Instead of the masala bollywood films, wouldn’t it be beneficial if they are shown something relevant, real and informative!

Besides the usual Menstruation taboos (which I’ll talk about, another day) I do not understand the embarrassment around this issue. I do not understand why we need to hide the fact and be embarrassed that God gave us a body which sheds blood. 

Everyone out there knows it. Everyone knows if you are carrying a black polythene in the market. Everyone knows when you are not allowed in the kitchen. If you don’t want anyone to know and want to hide periods, then allow us to enter temples and kitchens. No one will know then. Simple. But contrasting.

At one point you want to treat us differently because we are impure. At other hand you want no one to know that we are “Down”. What exactly do you want?

The whole logic and embarrassment associated with all of this goes right over my head. I simply do not know when there will be no taboo, shame and embarrassment associated with it.

French Fries and Hostel Food

Being an Indian college student, I live in a hostel. And the sight of hostel sends me in a far fetched dream of ‘good food’. If anyone has been in a hostel, they will relate spontaneously. Chapati (indian bread) made of cement, vegetable curry with 70% water (just like our body), rice without taste and a disgrace to its name, sweet dishes so sweet that you eventually lose your sweet tooth, need I say more? We are forever deprived of food that could satisfy our taste buds as well as your hungry stomachs. In simple words, our digestive system twists and churns to digest the half cooked, tasteless, pathetic looking food. That’s why seeing our eyes hungry is a daily site. We tend to devour all that we can, to attack whatever comes in front of our eyes , because we never know after how many ages would we be served with that kinda food.

A small instance, to educate my dear readers about ‘phobia of whether we will get good food in anytime future or not’. This is based on true circumstances, part of which I am going through, now, at this moment.

I was invited to a birthday party (I’m writing this there itself. No, don’t judge me. I’m not antisocial.) There were many 8-9 year olds invited too. Now the major site of attraction to the young and the old (in this instance: me) is “French Fries”. Those crispy fried potato chips with the red tomato ketchup , a perfect blend of tangy and a sweetish taste. As soon as the plates came, all the children would crowd around it. After 2 minutes of noticing them , I went towards them. As the feel of those crispy fries came in my hands, my reflex action FORCED me to pick a handful of them. After 10 minutes, I found myself, again at the same place, stealthily picking a handful of fries. I could see small children  glancing towards me with anguish as I stole a handful of fries yet again.

Oh! These small kids are so judgemental, I thought.

I came and sat back at my quiet spot. But suddenly, a thought alarmed me! ‘I don’t get to eat such tasty fries in mess/canteen. Don’t know after how many ages will I get to devour them again. Therefore it is my birthright and I shall not be denied of these beautiful pretty fries’. Oh My Beloved! Here I come again. 10 minutes down, or 10 fries down, I turned to my mom and said “I wish it could come with so much spices and chilli that these small munchkins do not eat them. It will be all mine”. With a horrified, shocked, astonished and ‘I don’t believe you’ face, my mom looked at me. I have been a girl who eats very less. She did not know *this* side of me.

The cake arrived. The children crowded the table. I was way far, because, hahaha, I knew fries were coming. I silently went towards and munched a lot more, because, now those little munchkins didn’t know about them. Boy! Victory. I had finally eaten them without those glances. 

The cake was served and its beautiful whipped cream shouted my name. Took a piece, ate it all. Satisfied? How can you even ask a hostel living student about that?

My sister hates cake. When we are at our hostel and someone hates something, we ask them to take his part of food, and we eat it. 

I asked my sister to take a piece of cake, because she was entitled for it. What if she doesn’t like it! She can give it to me. 

What a plan!

As soon as she heard it, she nodded disapprovingly. She looked at me as if I had told her to steal something. With 15 minutes of negotiation I got my piece. The second piece. Without adding much detail and drama, I’ll take pleasure to say that I got the third one too.

Ah! It was overwhelming, would be an understatement.

So you see, we are devoid of food. And when people like me see some delicious servings, we shamelessly plunge into the gravy of manchurian and curries.

It is the need of the hour that we be served with delicious food in our hostels and canteens, otherwise we may become devils in the eyes of small children at such parties.

I still have visions of those judgemental eyes of the toddlers.

I must leave you, dear readers, because the noodles and the pasta is waiting for me.

Sayonara

Hope I get this great food tomorrow also.

PS: I know this image does not do justice to the ‘Oh so yum fries’

Beauty Shame

As I walked in an alternative world, there were people who applauded me for who I am, there were people who were amused at my thoughts, there were people who found the beauty I was inside.

But then my gaze shifted to the world I was in, this universe.

Replaying the old scene, I walked in this world and there were people who talked about my shape, there were people who talked about my eyes, there were people who talked about my figure and there were no people who asked about my thoughts.

Did anyone get over looks?

Age is just a number, they say!

Then why didn’t they say ‘Beauty is just an attribute?’

Oh, will it be too disrespectful to the word ‘Beauty’!

The word that comes with every bride.

The word so famous in the matrimonial ads.

The word that must be a synonym for a girl.

She is expected to be a BEAUTY.

And what if she is not?

Body shaming?

Heard of that?

I fear, you haven’t.

Because we never thought that actually happens.

Well, obviously we all are teased over our physical attributes or our figures and it is kind of funny. No problems in that. 

But what if it crosses the lines?

What if those ‘Hey! You are so fat’ turns to ‘Its awful how fat you are?’

Does anyone realise what horrific sentence these mere groups of words combine to form?

Oh, your boobs are so small!

How are you going to be loved by the curvy figure loving guys?

Oh, your figure is like a potato!

Who is gonna date you?

Oh, you are so hairy?

Ugly, eh!

Oh, your butt size, your waist size , your zero, one, three goddamn every number size, isn’t on you!How will the soceity accept you?

Maybe while reading this you might be thinking ‘Ah! This girl is just exaggerating. What does one sentence meant for teasing do?’

Right. One sentence equals nothing. One sentence, ten times, equals to something. One sentence, ten times, everyday can make a person less confident about themselves.

So you see, sometimes that girl who takes it all in a fun way, might get affected.

Not at a point.

But slowly, the fact that she doesn’t have a good shape can build up in her mind and make her conscious.

A little detail.

Once, when I was maybe 15 or 16, someone made fun of me, over some attribute, and called me names, which affected me so deeply that I can’t talk about it.

So make sure, that you atleast don’t hurt girls in middle teenage sort of age. You might never know, what indelible impression it might put on their mind.

Coming to whether, we as grown ups, look like a potato, or like a *insert any other name * is not anyone’s problem. Will a guy date me? is also not your problem. Will anyone in the entire world like me! is not a problem either.

What our problem is that we do not have to be told repeatedly that  we don’t have a correct shape, correct figure, flawless body, flawless skin and perfect disney manufactured barbie looks.

Fine?

Happy?

Maybe not.

Because you might still write ‘A fair skinned, lovely looking, height atleast 5’5″ girl required’ in your matrimonial ad. Or you might still (being a girl) say ‘Ah! Poor you. You are soo * * Who would date you?’

So beauty is all what you want.

And shaming is what you’ll do if ‘Beauty’ you like is not there.

Picture credits: Google